Diagnosis, Doctor?

Chris reviewed the file and quickly thumbed through pages of Doctorese jargon. He found the paramedic’s report from the accident:

“Patient was found with red triage or severely damaged left arm and shoulder. Patient had cell phone in hand. HPD CPL. Scopiela states uncompleted text message was displayed on phone, “In office in about 15 minu..” Patient’s vehicle impacted SUV in rear and was rear-ended by DOD semi. Patient transported before CDC response and en route to First Baptist Hospital. Patient unresponsive, good pupil response, Blood loss slowed, arrived at ER at 0817hrs.

“Damn, I remember now. Sarah was texting me about going to Jeff and Jennifer’s tomorrow night and I texted that I’d call her when I got to the office. She texted me asking when I’d get there and I texted back, ‘In office in about 15 minu…I was hunting for “T” and the Suburban in front of me was stopped. Damn, I was doing about 75 miles an hour. What the hell is DOD and CDC? Isn’t CDC the Center for Disease Control? Why would they be coming to my accident? That’s probably an acronym for the wrecker service to tow our cars.” The 20-questions game started in Chris’ head. He grabbed the clothes out of the suitcase and got dressed. “You gotta be kidding me! Of all the shirts she packed it HAD to be that pink fuckin’ Polo!” Chris grumbled and put on the shirt. He walked to the mirror and started tearing up at the armless sleeve. “Look at it this way, bud; you’ll come out cheaper when someone tries charging you an arm and a leg!”

Chris chuckled the tears away and headed for the door. Chris walked into the corridor and it was sparsely lit and ominously quiet. “What’s that smell? Eh, hospitals are full of smells.” Chris thought hospitals are full of smells but he’d never smelled something dead at a hospital. Usually, hospitals smelled like bleach or chlorine. You know, clean. Chris started scanning the hall. Some of the fluorescent light fixtures were working and some were flickering. “Weird.” He looked to the left and nothing. Just a hall of closed doors. To the right there were monitors, workstations, and the edge of a Nurses Station. He headed that way. Chris rounded the corner and saw a nurse standing behind the station with her back turned to him. Something wasn’t right. She was standing perfectly still; her frosted blonde hair was disheveled and her head was laying horizontally over to the left. “Ma’am? Can you help me?”

Her head jerked straight up at the sound of his voice. She turned around and fixed her milked-over bloodshot eyes at him. Her skin was pale, her arms rose up with clawing fingers and she shrieked a guttural scream at him. Chris froze. “What the fu-” She flew over the counter and tackled him. Chris struggled with the sick nurse while rolling around on the floor. He held her by the neck while she snapped at him like a rabid Rottweiler. During the fight, Chris and the nurse bumped the counter so hard that the hospital computer fell and struck her on the forehead; missing Chris’ head by inches.

The nurse quit clawing at him and started jerking and convulsing on the floor after the blow from the computer. Scared shitless, Chris backed up against the file cabinets on the other side of the nurses station and sat speechless.

She stopped moving. “Oh, thank God! Wh-what the hell was wron..”

Her head jerked to the left; then to the right. “Shit! She’s coming to!” Chris started looking around for something to grab. She rolled over on her stomach and her chin raked across the carpet as she drug her head forward and locked milky eyes with Chris.

There was a computer monitor just over his left shoulder. He jumped for the monitor and pulled it to slam her on the head only to be tethered by the monitor’s cables. Chris was circling around the station away from her and realized the she wasn’t jumping at him like a caged animal anymore.

There was a dent in her pale-skinned forehead where the computer obviously hit her. But, she was acting like a flickering television. She was crawling to Chris but it was like her wiring was criss-crossed. One eyelid was flapping open and shut. One arm was paralyzed while the other arm was completely active.

Chris shuddered at the thought of bashing this thing’s head in. Since she was moving extremely slow, Chris scanned the station and decided to prop a chair on her skull. There was a chair that didn’t have wheels and Chris stood over her with confidence and stuck one of the rear legs on her head, closed his eyes and flopped 225lbs. down on her head. He heard the sound of teeth biting through a stalk of celery.

What…the hell just happened?!